Thursday, June 09, 2005
Religious Woes part 1
I have recently come to a realization about religion that has been building in my brain since 1994.
1994 is a significant year in my spiritual growth, or lack of... depending how you look at it. In the summer of that year, the Catholic campus Church decided not to hold masses because a lot of students went home for the summer and they were doing some renovation of the grounds. So, I had to go to the church in town. At my first mass there I noted it as what I called an 'upity' church. People seemed to be more concerned on how they looked than the reason they were there. Suffice it to say that my denim shorts did not fit in. Nor did my long hair and earings it would seem. I could actually hear people talking about me. My good hearing picked up discussions wondering who I was. One mother actually asked her teen son if I was someone who went to his school. This was all going on after mass started, so I was pretty annoyed by it. Then came the homily. It was basically a fire and brimstone speech against gays. It went so far as to suggest not dealing with them in anyway, or in otherwords shut them out and discriminate against them. I almost walked out of there. For the first time ever, I left after receiving Communion, just kept on walking right out the church.
Also in 1994, I lost my 'church' friends. I hung out with a lot of different groups in college, I was very social and known in a lot of groups. Since Frosh year, one of the groups were some people I knew in High School and their group of friends, all very religious but from different denomiations. I would meet up with them at mass or other church activities, ate with them at lunch, and hung out with them every third weekend or so. They were of course alcohol and smoke free, which was always fine by me. In the Spring of 2004 as I was joining a fraternity I was invited to join them less and less. By the Fall I had lost total contact. Late in the year I found out why through my cousin. She lived next to one of them and ate lunch with them one day when I came up as the discussion. They did not know she knew me. Basically, one of them (who I considered dating at one time) stated I was a lost cause now that I was in that fraternity and too far down the evil path of partying. Just as well I guess. I partied with computer nerds, physics geeks, pot heads, drunks, dance clubbers, theatre types, and fraternity preps. Only the church crowd ever rejected me.
From that point on I would be constantly questioning my religion. It is important to note I never questioned my faith or spirituality. As a student of history, in particular war history, I soon realized that religion played heavily into the death and destruction sown upon this planet. From the Crusades to Ireland, and even clashes among Eastern beliefs, not agreeing on the topic of religion was enough to start a war. And the Church went forth to spread the word of Jesus to the corners of the Earth... and killed anyone that said, "no thanks." The history of the Catholic Church is full of scandal and sin right up to the present day. Most other Christian groups split off at one time or another because of this. However, some of them warped into much worse things (I only need to point at some of the rich televangelists or suicidal groups to make my point).
I did try to rejoin the Catholic Church in the last few years because I now had kids and wanted them to grow up in the Church. But, I was really unhappy with the churches I went to. There was no sense of community. On top of that the molestation scandals were in full force and it sickened me to see how the Catholic Church was handling it.
I have always been at odds against some of the 'rules' established by Catholicism. But, now I am finding out they are much closer to what I believe in than that of anyone from the "Christian Right". More on that in part 2 as I reach a pinacle in my spirituality and rejection of the establishment.
1994 is a significant year in my spiritual growth, or lack of... depending how you look at it. In the summer of that year, the Catholic campus Church decided not to hold masses because a lot of students went home for the summer and they were doing some renovation of the grounds. So, I had to go to the church in town. At my first mass there I noted it as what I called an 'upity' church. People seemed to be more concerned on how they looked than the reason they were there. Suffice it to say that my denim shorts did not fit in. Nor did my long hair and earings it would seem. I could actually hear people talking about me. My good hearing picked up discussions wondering who I was. One mother actually asked her teen son if I was someone who went to his school. This was all going on after mass started, so I was pretty annoyed by it. Then came the homily. It was basically a fire and brimstone speech against gays. It went so far as to suggest not dealing with them in anyway, or in otherwords shut them out and discriminate against them. I almost walked out of there. For the first time ever, I left after receiving Communion, just kept on walking right out the church.
Also in 1994, I lost my 'church' friends. I hung out with a lot of different groups in college, I was very social and known in a lot of groups. Since Frosh year, one of the groups were some people I knew in High School and their group of friends, all very religious but from different denomiations. I would meet up with them at mass or other church activities, ate with them at lunch, and hung out with them every third weekend or so. They were of course alcohol and smoke free, which was always fine by me. In the Spring of 2004 as I was joining a fraternity I was invited to join them less and less. By the Fall I had lost total contact. Late in the year I found out why through my cousin. She lived next to one of them and ate lunch with them one day when I came up as the discussion. They did not know she knew me. Basically, one of them (who I considered dating at one time) stated I was a lost cause now that I was in that fraternity and too far down the evil path of partying. Just as well I guess. I partied with computer nerds, physics geeks, pot heads, drunks, dance clubbers, theatre types, and fraternity preps. Only the church crowd ever rejected me.
From that point on I would be constantly questioning my religion. It is important to note I never questioned my faith or spirituality. As a student of history, in particular war history, I soon realized that religion played heavily into the death and destruction sown upon this planet. From the Crusades to Ireland, and even clashes among Eastern beliefs, not agreeing on the topic of religion was enough to start a war. And the Church went forth to spread the word of Jesus to the corners of the Earth... and killed anyone that said, "no thanks." The history of the Catholic Church is full of scandal and sin right up to the present day. Most other Christian groups split off at one time or another because of this. However, some of them warped into much worse things (I only need to point at some of the rich televangelists or suicidal groups to make my point).
I did try to rejoin the Catholic Church in the last few years because I now had kids and wanted them to grow up in the Church. But, I was really unhappy with the churches I went to. There was no sense of community. On top of that the molestation scandals were in full force and it sickened me to see how the Catholic Church was handling it.
I have always been at odds against some of the 'rules' established by Catholicism. But, now I am finding out they are much closer to what I believe in than that of anyone from the "Christian Right". More on that in part 2 as I reach a pinacle in my spirituality and rejection of the establishment.
# posted by chroi @ 11:26 
